Christian sings, “God saves the queen, it made me a moron.” to Ian. Ian argues back about how he respects the monarchy. Ian declares that the monarchy is what made this country great! Christian banters, “wasn’t that the navy?” Ian replies; it was the Royal Navy!” Ian tells Christian and Jane that this invite is just the beginning! It’s an introduction to a better client list, and he’s going to walk through that door! Christian laughs.
Max is upset to see Tanya walk into the kitchen. He reminds her he was going to bring her breakfast in bed! She tells Max that she got too hungry. Tanya tells Max she’ll just have it in here. Max tells her she has to meet him halfway. He says that he bought the kids a new DVD and they are watching it now. Max tells Tanya he thought it would give them a quiet hour together. Tanya tells Max that it is too soon. Max replies that it is always going to be too soon. He pushes her to make a real effort. Tanya pushes back, asking why he hasn’t signed the papers? She tells him that she called his solicitor and surprise surprise he already sent the papers over. Max admits he received them yesterday, but he’s not going to sign them until he’s read them over. Tanya says it’s the same thing innit? Max says he is going to sign them if he hasn’t read them, alright! Tanya says, “my feelings exactly.” Max sighs and angry sigh and walks out of the kitchen.
Garry is on the sofa with a cold cloth on his head flipping channels. Minty comes in and says his eyes feel like they’ve been put in backward. Garry says it’s Shirley and Heather’s bad influence on them. Garry asks Minty to make them a bacon sarnie. Minty just shakes his head no as he sorts the mail. Minty comes across a postcard from Hazel for Garry’s birthday. She says that she hopes Garry had a good birthday. She also tells Minty to forget about her, to find someone else, and to forgive her.
Ian asks Charlie if he knows where they are going? Charlie tells Ian that he does as does the whole flipping square. Charlie continues to say that if Ian tells him again, I’ll swing for ya! Ian says no, he meant which hotel they are staying at. Charlie tells Ian he’s told him a zillion times already! Charlie helps Jane with her oversized bag. Ian questions Jane on how much she’s packed. Jane tells Ian a girl has to have options, and she’s packed her lingerie! Ian looks gobsmacked. Jane tells him she should be healed, and they’ll just have to take it slow. Ian tells her that is why he’s booked the hotel today. They have the whole afternoon and no loud music! Ian yells at Lucy to turn the music down. Jane laughs as he’s been successful. Lucy comes out and sends them off. Ian is pleased that his parenting skills are working. He tells Jane that everything will be okay.
Lucy is still standing outside when Peter, Bobby, and Christian come out talking about getting sick on coasters. Christian yells for Steven to come along. Christian tells Lucy to get her coat. She tells him she’s not going on account. She’s just gotten her monthly. Lucy tells Christian that her dad said she didn’t have to go and could stay home and watch telly. Steven comes out. Christian tells Lucy he can’t leave her there on her own. Steven volunteers to stay behind, miss the coasters, and look after Lucy. Christian wonders what she and Steven are up to. Lucy calls his bluff and says that he can skip the park and stay home and monitor her if he likes. Christian gives in and takes Peter and Bobby to the amusement park. Steven asks Lucy what she’s playing at throwing a party!? Lucy reminds him he’s invited!
Heather comes in to see Garry and Minty miserable on the sofa. She says she’s going to the caff to get a fry up. She asks if they are in? Heather asks what is wrong? Garry hands Heather the postcard from Hazel. Heather takes it as a good sign that she hasn’t completely forgotten him. Shirley tells her that it’s over. Heather says, “not necessarily as she’s sent a photo of the boat she’s on?” Shirley says that is stupid. Heather tells Minty that is what she would have done. She’d be waiting on the dock for him to come so he could see how much she loved him. Shirley drags Heather off. Minty stares at the postcard. Garry tells Minty to look at the bright side as he doesn’t have to marry Heather anymore.
Lucy sets up for the party. She’s dressed all punk and makes spiked punch. Steven wonders why she is doing this as he thought she and Dad made up. Lucy says they have, but Dad just does what he wants anyway. Lucy calls Lauren and tells her to come over and bring more booze. Lauren asks if her parents are alright with it. Lucy lies and says, of course, they are.
Lauren sneaks a bottle out of the cabinet. Abi goes on about getting another pet, different than Marge. Tanya says she’s not keen on the idea. Lauren sticks her head in the kitchen to tell her parents she’s off with Lucy. They assume she’s going to the theme park and tell her to have fun on those rides. Lauren doesn’t correct them. Abi begs her mum, please. Tanya gives in and says nothing too dangerous or anything that squawks. Abi and Max head off to the pet store.
Stacey yells at Sean, “Thanks for visiting! Is the view out of that window better than the one in your own gaff, is it?” Sean watches as Abi and Max leave. He sees Steven heading over. Stacey asks if someone is after him? He tells her no, but someone is after her as Steven is on his way. Stacey reminds him that they are just mates. Sean says he will leave so the lovebirds can be together. Sean meets Steven at the door and says, “Hello, Stalker.” Sean leaves. Steven asks Stacey why Sean is calling him stalker? Stacey tells Steven to ignore him. Steven asks Stacey if she wants to go to a party. She agrees until he tells her it’s Lucy’s party. She tells him to come to find her in the pub later. Steven explains he has to be there to watch out for Lucy.
Lucy and Lauren are drinking the punch. Lauren asks what is in it? Lucy says everything and to drink up. Jay comes in with a bottle and tries to flirt with Lucy. She tells him to get lost.
Ian and Jane are all checked in at the hotel. Ian is boasting to the bellman about going to the palace later. He says obviously if it’s raining they will get a limo. The bellman stands there while Ian is confused as to what he wants. Ian finally figures out he is meant to tip him. Ian tips a small amount, and the bellman is disappointed. Ian says that is the last tip-off him they’ll get with that attitude. Ian asks Jane if she’d like some champagne? She replies he better check the prices first. Ian says no matter as he’s brought some from home. Jane is only half pleased. Ian says while they wait for that to chill, why not order a gin and a slice? Jane thinks that it is lovely. Ian says she should order something off of room service as well. He’s hoping for her to get in the mood and spend the afternoon in bed. Jane stalls and says she’d love a good soak first, you know, to get her in the mood? Ian says he might come to join her. Ian says he’ll place the order. He asks her not to make the water too hot as it makes his skin all blotchy. Jane smirks.
Minty is still looking at the postcard. Garry tries to get him to go to the caff. Minty tells Garry that Heather was right. He called, and this ship is docked at Southhampton all week. It sets sail for the Carribean today. Garry thinks he’s reading too much into this. Minty explains that this card came yesterday, and by the postmark, she sent it in plenty of time for him to go down there and find her. Minty says he won’t know now though, and he’s blown it again.
Sean tells Tanya that Max is playing her again. Can’t she see that? Tanya says he has no choice. Sean says that Max has everything he wants, so he has no incentive to sign those papers. Tanya says that is not true. Sean tells her to kick Max out! Sean tells Tanya he doesn’t need Max’s money. All he needs is for them to be together. Tanya resists and says Max will sign them. Sean wonders when that will be? A few days? A month? When will he sign? Tanya tells him today. She promises. She tells Sean it’s him she wants and to trust her.
There is a knock at the door of the hotel room. Ian comes out in a towel. The bellhop brings the room service tray and a large bouquet of flowers. Ian tells him he tipped his mate earlier, and half of it is his. Jane calls out, “is that lunch? I’m starving.” Ian tells her to close her eyes as he has a surprise for her. Jane is in the tub, waiting when Ian comes in. He tells her to open her eyes. Ian tells Jane he loves her. Jane smiles broadly and tells Ian she loves him too. He kisses her.
The party is growing at the Bealles’. Steven tells Lauren he’s told lucy that there can be no more people, especially ones she doesn’t know. If it gets any larger, he tells Lauren to come to get him at the park. Lauren giggles an okay. Stacey asks Steven if he’s done being 40? She tells Steven that they are fine.
Minty says to Garry that he’s blown it. Shirley tells him that he has to live each day as it’s his last. Garry says there is no point in hoping for what could have been. Minty says he could have tried. Heather tells him he could have met her in the Carribean and told her how much he loved her. Minty says he doesn’t have the money for that. Heather reminds him that they have the money coming from the contest. Minty says he could ask for an advance and time off from Phil. He could meet the boat when it docks! He kisses Heather on the cheek and tells her she’s a genius.
Abi comes home with a chinchilla named Gilbert. Abi explains all he can do, to include jumping up to 5 feet. Abi promises to keep him in her room. She tells Tanya she’s going to take Gilbert over to Dot’s for a bit and will stay for dinner. Max says it will give them some time on their own. Tanya says, “great.” Abi heads off with Gilbert. Max watches out the window. He makes a comment about how lively the party at the Bealles is getting. He thinks Steven is having the party. Tanya says she doesn’t understand why they put up with him as he’s been nothing but trouble. Max says, “when you love them, what can you do?”
Abi takes Gilbert to see Marge 1 and 2 before heading to Dot’s. Two motorbikes barely miss Abi. They rev their engines and do stunts in the road. Charlie comes out to see what’s happening. The street is filled with menacing teens. One chucks a glass bottle at Charlie’s feet. The teen’s cheer.
Minty tells Phil his plan. Phil wants to understand that Minty is asking for two weeks off to chase the woman who dumped him? Minty explains to Phil that it’s fate. Marni calls Minty back. Marni explains that there is no cash prize. It’s simply for the wedding and honeymoon. Shirley tells Heather she might want to cancel the liposuction. Garry goes to the bar to get Minty a drink as he’ll need it. Charlie comes in and tells Phil he better lock the doors as it’s complete carnage out there. Steven and Stacey hear the noise. Steven says he knew it and gets up to go handle the party-goers.
Steven and Stacey walk out to see complete mayhem happening. Someone’s spray painting and glass is broken all over the ground. The party is completely out of control, and the Bealles’ house is destroyed. Steven turns off the music and tells everyone to get out of he’s calling the police. Lucy turns the music back on and says to keep going. She tells Steven it’s not out of control yet as no one has done the television. Lucy walks over and smashes the tv. She asks Stacey what she’s doing with this loser (pointing to Steven); is it charity week or something? Steven goes upstairs and tries to call Ian.
Ian is massaging Jane as he talks about meeting the queen. Jane wonders if this is how he gets in the mood? He says he’s sorry. He continues to massage her then asks if this is working for her as his thumbs are killing him. Jane is completely over it.
The party continues to spiral out of control. Glass is shattering everywhere. Jay thinks this is the best party ever. Outside the pub, Garry, Phil, Shirley, and Charlie watch the carnage. Garry wonders if they should call the police. Phil says no one is getting hurt, and it’s just kids letting off steam. Shirley asks if that is his motto? She wonders whose round it is? Charlie says he’ll get this round. They continue to watch the pure mayhem happening. Charlie calls the cops.
Tanya and Max review the papers. He says he gives her a hundred grand, and everything returns to normal? Tanya says, “if you want to call me a prostitute, then?” Max says no, that is not what he’s saying. Tanya tells him she’s quite a woman. He says that is why he wants her. He loves her and wants things to go back to how they were. He starts to sign the paperwork, and Tanya grabs his wrist. She tells him it’s never been about the money. All she’s ever wanted was him. He signs the paperwork. She sighs and almost cries. He finishes, and Tanya reaches out to him and kisses him. She grabs his hand, and they head upstairs.
The crowd is still going. Heather and Minty walk to the square. Heather suggests that they take the spending cash. He is to go to the Carribean find Hazel, sweep her off her feet and take her on the honeymoon. Minty asks Heather what she gets out of all of this? She tells him she gets her dream wedding and gets one day to says she’s beautiful. Minty grabs her hand and says she is beautiful.
The cops arrive on the square. Ian and Jane are passionate when the phone rings. They put Steven through, and he explains that there is a bit of a situation. He tells Ian that there is someone who wants to speak with him. The police speak with Ian.
Tanya and Max have consummated the signing of the paperwork. Max tells Tanya he loves her. He tells her this is all going to work out. He tells her no turning back now. She tells him no, no turning back. She is visibly upset.
Heather comes home to find her mum on her doorstep. Heather wants to know what she’s doing there? Her mum reminds her that she sent her a postcard inviting her to the wedding. Heather’s mum asks if her fiance is a halfwit or something? Because who would want to marry her? Pig! Her mum laughs.
Ian and Jane pull up to find the state of their home completely destroyed. Jane says it might not be her fault. Ian says this is what happened. They walk in to find Steven sweeping up glass and Lucy drinking. Jane screams, “NO LUCY!” Steven says they should see upstairs, especially their room. Jane says she’s going up to look. Ian stares at lucy. Steven apologizes and says he tried to stop it. Lucy says he was a good little boy and tried. He’s like a trained monkey, she says. Lucy says maybe if he locked her up in a mental asylum, she’d behave too. Ian looks at Lucy with pure anger in his eyes and says it was a private clinic. Don’t think he hasn’t thought about it, Ian says. Why Lucy? Why? She says she doesn’t have to answer to him. Ian grabs her off the sofa and says he’s had enough of this. She tells him to get off her. Ian tells her this has got to stop, or she’s going to have to get out. He tells Lucy she is ruining everyone’s life, including her own. Lucy screams at Ian that he ruined her life when he drover out her mum. He screams at her that she thinks her life would have been so much better if she’d gone with her mum. Lucy screams back, “yeah, actually!” Ian screams that he wishes she had. Lucy smacks Ian hard across the face, and he slaps her back, knocking her to the ground. Steven asks him what the hell he’s doing? Ian tells Lucy he’s sorry. He’s so sorry. Lucy runs upstairs.